My dream...

I had the strangest dream last night. I was floating in nothingness, and then all these indescribeable colors swirled and flowed in front of me. Green, yellow, pink; white, turquoise, teal. Ultraviolet, antiyellow, ultrayellow, green. And then I was a bird -- an eagle, I reckon -- lying on the ground, with broken wings and an eye gouged out and my feathers torn and my flesh rent. Looming above me, a wolf snarled, saliva dripping from its fangs. It sniffed, growled deep in its throat, and lunged. I braced for the teeth in my flesh, for the snap of my spine, for the final flicker of pain that was my sorry life. But the wolf paused, gazed deep into my eye.

And then suddenly I saw myself -- the eagle -- in front of me, beneath my snout, unprotected, an easy kill.

And back to my nearly lifeless body, waiting for the final moment, waiting to die. The wolf lifted a paw, placed it on my exposed chest. A jolt. My heart pounded, my wings twitched. Flesh rewove itself, bones knitted, skin and fingers grew. Life surged throughout my body. I flexed my muscles, flapped my wings, stood up and looked the wolf in his huge yellow eyes. I nodded my unending gratitude. The wolf bowed his head, abashed. I flapped my wings, hopped forward, and launched myself upwards.

And that's when my damn alarm rang.

Chores are a chore

Sometimes I wish I would get some massive repetitive injury so Vata has to sacrifice all of our animals just to keep me alive. And then I'd be all better and I wouldn't have to break up hay bales every morning. My back is killing me.

Leporine Snorkels

I'm really gonna have to stop telling Vata my ideas before I do them. She just has too much reason, she does.

She don't even believe in leporine snorkels.

Them's got big teeth

I drove down to Éíkızı today, cuz that's a harbor town right there on the ocean, so they got to have sharks and aquariums and all that. Well, they got an aquarium, all right: The Éíkızı Aquarium. But they ain't selling sharks. They just charge you money to look at 'em. Bastards.

Maybe I'll just glue some fins on one of our rabbits. Them's got big teeth....

Massive Conspiracy

It's all rather well and good for me to rant whatever come to mind--quite cathartic, actually--but why is nobody commenting? Why is nobody even reading it? Of all the people in all the worlds, why are none of them clicking the "next blog" button right when I publish my post? What are the odds of that? Blogger must be suppressing my blog. They're trying to keep me down. They aren't letting anybody else see my blog, much less comment on it. It's a massive conspiracy!!

And I'm still gonna git that shark.

cheese

I was up in Sémı‘ıréíso this morning looking for a shark at the pet stores. Unsuccessful.

But I stopped in at the Subway "restaurant" for lunch. I asked for a roast beef sandwich with cheddar cheese. The kid informed me that they "discontinued" cheddar cheese. What in Pétíso's name is that supposed to mean? Why the hell would would they stop serving cheddar? It's the single most popular cheese in the world!

The offered me pepper jack, provolone, and "american." I've had the american before. It tastes like plastic. I went with the pepper jack. Next time I'll have to try the provolone.

Why not?

So Vata says she doesn't want to have a shark. She says it would be stupid to have a shark. She says I'm stupid to want a shark.

But look in our back yard. It's full of animals. Cows, horses, pigs, sheep, dogs, cats, chickens, ferrets, ducks, guinea pigs, horned toads... So why not a shark?

Pet Shark

I want a pet shark. Does anybody know where I can get a pet shark? And not some wimpy dog shark that's barely a meter long. I want a manly shark.

Does anybody know somebody who can install a jumbo aquarium? I've got plenty of land...

Waste

Computers are almost as big a waste of time as television is. Go read a book. Go ride a horse. Get off your duff, you dope.